Tuesdays Top Ten: The words in my heart

My blog, Confessions of a food lover started out as a place to share my ideas and thoughts about something I have known my whole life....

I love food!  

I love eating food.  

I love talking about food.  

I love making food.  

I love making food for others.  

My grandpa used to call me the "bottomless pit" when I was little and I remember thinking that must be cool.  "Give me more" because I always had room for seconds at the dinner table.  My mom made really good dinners, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches too.  I loved all of it, and wanted to try it all, eat it all, love and experience it all at the dinner table.

My first real job I worked at an ice cream store where I first got the opportunity to play with food and eat all the mistakes " oh I'm sorry sir, you didn't want hot fudge on that, I will make you a new one". You can't save ice cream really or reserve it once it has been scooped so of course I ate those "mistakes" and enjoyed every bite.  This was the beginning of many adventures in exploring flavors and combinations to come.  I was the queen of making the most creative flurries and milkshakes back in my high school years.

About my writing: At the beginning I figured it would be fun and easy to write about all my kitchen adventures and my passion for eating.

I had no idea when I started putting my thoughts into words on a page that it would become a filing cabinet for my mind and experiences.  This place for my thoughts now has many more categories than just storylines for food loving. 

When I picked up my chefs knife for the first time and made the decision to devote my creativity to the endless possibilities that ingredients and practice could produce, I also learned I could relate the skills I was practicing to much more than a delicious dish.  My life and everything in it has become a lot like a kitchen, with ingredients, tools, decision making and choices- I can create whatever I want and with practice I can produce some pretty amazing things.

 I have related so many of these regular tasks of the kitchen to my life in general. I have found interesting and wonderful correlations between so many of the routine practices that a chef is required to know how to do in order to be successful is related to many other life experiences on a daily basis.

In the process of writing my stories and sharing them I have seen how this place for all the words and thoughts in my head has become something even more than I ever realized it could be.  I am feeling inspired more than ever again to start writing my stories and sharing them.  I hope to continue making connections, not only with food, family, and life but also to understand better my experiences each day and in the process become more aware of just how great a gift this life is.

If you are reading, thank you for following along.  I hope that these stories and thoughts are fun and interesting. Most of all I hope that they add to my community, a voice to relate to.

Happy Tuesday and in the spirit of my previous blogs here is a "Tuesday's Top Ten"

Tuesdays Top Ten Favorite Words right now that will give you insight to what i am thinking about most right now

1. Family
2. Community
3. Hygge
4. Thankful
5. Challenged
6. Listen
7. Patience
8. Support
9. Love
10. Brave

Do you have a top ten words you have noticed you have been using a lot more lately than any others?  What do those words tell you about where you focus is right now- how will they transition and change as you get ready to go into this next season?  I must confess, I am inspired by what my top ten are saying to me right now and excited about what lies ahead.

Return on investment: confessions of a food, family, career and life lover.

Finally discovering my place and its a beautiful community I live and share in.

Return on investment....

Am I happy with how I am investing my time? How do I measure if I am successful?  How do I do it all?

I am the president, the CEO of how my time gets invested. At the end of the day I am not allowed to point a finger at everything else out in the world and try to place blame if I am unhappy with the return on investment I perceive I am getting for all the time and energy I share, and expend.  (To illustrate, try this now: Think about a current roadblock you are facing, something that is getting in the way of your happiness or success.  Now, take your right hand, hold it up and out in front of you and use your pointer finger to point towards this roadblock you are feeling or experiencing.  Point at it as if it were standing in front of you right now ) Do you see what just happened when you tried to blame and point a finger at whatever is getting in your way?  Automatically three fingers are pointing right back at you showing clearly that the numbers are 3 to 1 - when I do this exercise regularly it always gives me clarity about what is really happening and here is how.   The three fingers pointed back at me could represent me being my own antagonist, enemy, opponent against myself.  When this is happening I realize it is time for a reset and a reminder to turn those adversarial thoughts into empowering thoughts like the following:

I have the control. 

I am capable of making the choices.  

I know better than anyone else if things are working or not in my daily life.  

For me, working on my own time management and figuring out how I'm going to invest my minutes and get stuff done every day is not always easy. I am by no means feeling like I've got my #@$! together. I still don't have an answer for the most common question I get every single day: "how do you do it all?" This comes from so many people in my life which see me taking on many many responsibilities and tasks.   I don't have an answer for this question, all I know is that I am doing the best I can.  However, each day I'm becoming more and more a master of my own life. I am better recognizing the things that do and don't work, and which things should be repeated and which should not be repeated. The optimist that I am has a hard time when things don't work out the way I expected because I've already invested so much time and energy into believing that it could be great. Accepting that certain choices I have made in my lifetime might not have been the right ones takes a lot of truthfulness and leveling with myself.  However, I find moving forward becomes much easier when I'm honest with myself about what's working and what's not.

I also know a little something about giving and getting that is the ultimate source of my daily ability to be happy. I know if I want to get happiness and smiles and love in my life I have to give out happiness, smiles, and love. If I want to get support and help in what I am doing, I have to give help and support. If want to get recognized for my hard work, I have to give my best in all that I work for and recognize the people around me who are putting in hard work too.  I have determined if I want to get more time in my life to be doing the things that I love, I need to give more time to those things in order to get them to happen. What I mean by this is whatever I choose to be applying my precious time to, I have realized I am actually getting the return I had hoped for.  I often need to take the time to stop and realize the return on my time investment is truly happening even when it is not completely obvious.  This phenomenon on getting what I want by giving is just one way I am achieving "doing it all" because most of what I am choosing to do each day are things that I want to be doing, and they make me happy.

This is the real talk that I have with myself every single day as a reminder that I am doing the right thing if I believe in my choices.  It also means I have to stay accountable to saying yes to the best and no to all of the rest. My mom said to me the other day "whatever you say yes to, means you're saying no to something else." What that means to me is I better be OK with the things I say yes to because if I'm not then maybe I'm not saying yes to the right things.  

How do you measure your return on the time you're investing everyday?  How do you know if you're getting back 10 times what you put into it and if it's fair to even expect that. My guide for knowing I have made the right choice is when I can identify that I got exactly what I wanted or needed. Happy, thankful, loving appreciation and support from the people who give me the affirmation I crave.  This is why I'm doing it all in the first place. It's a hug and "I love you" from my kids.  Its "you can do this" from Jonathan.  Its a "I'm so proud of you" from my mom.  It is clients and coworkers who say  "thank you, we really appreciate all that you did to make this successful."  The return is beyond all of my expectations and I know that what I put into it and what I got back from it is successful when the people in my life who support me recognize and tell me these things.  

I am not perfect, and I have made mistakes. I'm in tune and hypersensitive about my responsibility in my own life.  If I'm not happy with the way things are going it's up to me to figure out what needs to be done to make it better.  There are still things I have to accept daily that happen that I have no control over, that I can't change. For those moments I just work on adjusting my reaction. There are also things I must have the courage to change when I become aware of them and know that I can do something about it. God grant me the serenity and the wisdom to know the difference for what i can change and when I need to let go.

I attended a professional retreat this weekend called Hygge. When I left to go home after a very fulfilling weekend away, I started to analyze what I taking away from my weekend that would be meaningful moving forward in my life and career.  I couldn't get the words "return on investment" out of my head. Yes, I invested money to go to this retreat, but I also invested my precious time to be there. The kind of time I usually don't allow just for me.  I also was thinking how I found myself in a place that I don't believe I've ever been in before as I was the oldest woman in the group.  I know that my age doesn't really matter, however with each of the women I had the privilege to share my time with this weekend I saw a piece of my younger self and of my own life's experience. Listening to their stories I know without a doubt that each one of them is on a journey that's only going to get more and more amazing because I have been in their position before.  What I know is that they are going to have to pay attention to themselves and really intentionally go after their dreams and fully understand their role in achieving them too.  

I know I have a long ways to go but I do feel like I am living proof that you can have the things that you want in your life if you believe that you can have them. It's a messy and beautiful journey and not always easy but it's worth it because this is the one and only life that I get and all the time I choose to invest it's up to me to recognize if I'm getting the return I want or not. How I achieve this may not be the same way that you will do it.  I know if I am firm with my goals I will have a much easier time achieving them.  Knowing exactly what I want to result from all of my precious time investments I am going to make will help me stay positive and confidently focused on making them happen.

One last thought I would like to share is that after my retreat this weekend I made a big discovery during on of our sessions called "The Emo Stuff". I recognized that I am the largest investor in my own happiness and life's success but I have even more investors that I may not be recognizing enough every day.  When I review my best returns, I have such an enormous amount of thankfulness to discover that I am not a team of one.   I realize that my support system is a collection of some really amazing people in my life that I am forever grateful to know and call my team. They are my family, my friends, my co-workers, the people who tell me "you are doing a great job Stephanie" and I know they mean it.  I feel fortunate to have added 14 more amazing talented and lovely ladies to that team in less than two days at my retreat this past weekend.  I know without a doubt they will be behind me now to cheering me on all the way too and I will give them the same support.  The return on investment for a weekend I chose to attend for myself proved to be one of the best investments yet as I expect to see even more growth and happiness enter my daily approach.  

Its up to me....

The spring rain is perfect today.


It symbolizes so many things... restoration, rejuvenation, a transition and encouragement for refreshment, a beautiful insurgence of new energy and nourishment, and a natural process for washing away the debris of a more dormant time period. 




I have decided I am going to be like this season today and purposefully make choices that encourage the same results as the intention of a April shower.  Its a silly thing to say I am sure but "April Showers bring May flowers"- right?  I will compare my choices to take a much needed day for myself as the same inspiration and today can be a beautiful transition for me- an opportunity to feel a renewal of my spirit, my energy and my overall perception of balance.




I'm taking a day for me- the kids are all covered, my clients are all aware, the loves of my life are encouraging me to take this time that they have known I have needed for awhile- and they are helping me in everyway possible to do it. I confess, I have known better all along these many months that I have not taken advantage of the opportunities the way I should.




Just as much as food nourishes the physical demands of living life, and being able to thrive- so too does intentional time for oneself.  I love to give and care for others- its the most important reason why I am mother, but I know better than to go too long without fulfilling just the right balance of care for myself too.




Its a beautiful spring rainy day, and its a beautiful day to live, to smile, to love, and to be good to oneself.  I know I am thankful today for some time to breathe and rest. 

Top Ten Tuesday- What is your favorite homemade juice???

I haven't done a "Tuesdays Top Ten" in years.  With that idea creating a theme for me this morning, I realize I haven't used certain kitchen tools that I own.... In a number of years too. (Or at least not as much as I used to).

My April 1st resolution has everything to do with rediscovering  the healthy and amazing ways that I can help nurture and sustain my loved ones with the power of food and beverages.  

I confess that convenience has crept its way into some of my weekly routines over the last couple of years.  It's a type of convenience that I have never really wanted to subscribe to- and I'm not going to bore you with the details of it either.  As I would like to say I am making the healthiest choices everyday that I know are right for us, I simply just think I could be doing better- having a baby grow out of infant phase has helped too.

Once upon a time I was going to school to become a Dietician.  I was really serious about this endevour too.  I took every chemistry and psychology class I could.  I even took Statistics (a prerequisite math class) that almost wrecked me and my GPA.  My determination to become this type of professional stemmed from my love and dedication to being a mother.  I wanted my children to have the brightest, happiest, and healthiest start ever.  I knew from the moment they were born it was my responsibility to lead by example, teach them about good choices, and that with a little patience you can discover the most amazing things.  Of course all my energy to accomplish this went into how food could help us achieve these goals.

My mantra was established during this time "We all have to eat to live, so make it something good."  This was a derivative of another mantra we all are familiar with I am sure... "You are what you eat!!"  

Little did I know as I coursed ahead to become a leader in the world of nutrition that a little nagging feeling I had been experiencing would soon take over and send me down a parallel path instead.  I had always wanted to go culinary school and when the College I had applied for put me on the waiting list to start my final years of becoming a dietician, I took that as a sign that maybe I should instead pursue the career that included foods and cooking that I was truly passionate about.  A new idea and mantra swelled to life as my mindfulness to what I truly loved about food came to a full understanding.  I did not want to "tell people how to make good food choices."  What I really wanted was, "Make and create good food choices that people wanted to eat!"

Along this journey I have practiced and practiced and practiced.  I have taken time to understand what works and what doesn't in the kitchen.  I have learned how to work with a team to create some amazing experiences for guests.  I have found ways to transfer these skills to my home kitchen too and be able to quickly whip up a tasty dinner for starving children.  It all brings me back to why I started this concentration on food in the first place.  My children.  

With growing kids it's a daily challenge to provide enough, a balance, and especially complete these tasks with something they actually like to eat.  I am fortunate that we had an early start with a variety of flavors, so that I have children with very developed and adventurous taste buds.  They amaze me now with so many of the things that I showed them when they were little- they have very developed palates for kids I think.   They also have these habits and understanding of making intentionally good choices that I think will help them the rest of their lives.  

It's my hope that as they grow up- even if they get caught up in being busy and having no time that they will remember these practices and choices and always fall back on these things I have shown them.

 I realize now that it is ok that I had to dust off the juicer this morning.  It may have been a while since I have used it intentionally to have a healthy start to our day, but I made a great choice and that is all that matters.  I watched our 9 month old baby's eyes light up with her very first tastes of raw apple carrot juice this morning.  That's proof enough for me to start dusting off even more of the memories and skills I have learned over the years of practicing nutrition and culinary artistry.   I'm excited to explore and practice and this is what leads me to my top ten today:

Top Ten Juice/Smoothie Flavors I want to try and make:

1. Apple Pear Parsnip

2. Blueberry Cherry Blackberry Sage

3. Pear Ginger 

4. Mango Banana Coconut milk with mint

5. Green Juice: Parsley, Swiss Chard, Beets, bok Choy, Carrots,etc....

6. Clean the refrigerator juice- you know when you have produce that needs to get used sooner than later :)

7. Citrus ginger juice- oranges, lime, red grapefruit

8. Beet apple

9. Lemon thyme apple juice

Now here is where I need your help friends......

10. Please share with me your favorite juice combination!!!

Cheers Friends!!

This is really something special to me that I want to share......

Harvest Dinner Series at Black Star Farms is Wednesday March 12th, 2014 at 6:30 and there are still open seats available. I am inviting you to join us for this memorable and unique dining experience that I am apart of!

 It is certainly an interesting time of year to think that we are coordinating a dinner that is featuring what is in season on our farms-especially when we are currently buried under 5 feet of snow still and the temperatures have hung out in the single and negative digits over the past month regularly.

Photo Courtesy of Greyscale Group

"The Harvest Dinner Series" used to only be a dinner series that was open for our guests to attend May through October.  It was very easy to pick a featured harvest in these months because naturally everything is growing nicely in this area from late spring to early autumn. From "Morels in May" to "Squash and Apple" Dinner in October we had a beautiful array of vibrant and beautiful products to work with.  It was too easy to create the menu really- and so the challenge of producing a specialty dinner in the winter and early spring months transformed from our passion to show people that the Harvest can be featured every calendar month.

  This is the first year that we have expanded the monthly dinner series to 11 months with the hopes that we could share with our guests and friends the beauty of the harvest year round.  The methods of storing, canning, curing, pickling, freezing and preparing foods in the bountiful and verdant harvest months for the use of them later is as old as our world- and a practice that is important to our survival in these northern areas where our land becomes mostly dormant and sleeps under a white blanket for sometimes almost half the year.

The things that we are doing on our own to work with what we raise and grow requires planning and intention, knowledge and work to assure they will make it through the months to be available later.  When we want to work with food sources outside of buying the industrialized products and vast array of fresh produce transported from thousands of miles away, we have to work with our community if we want to work with variety.

Photo Courtesy of Greyscale Group

I love this part because it involves building relationships and developing friendships with people who are working to achieve the same thing as we are- a sustainable community of people and products.  A community with skills to create a food system that provides everything we need to be healthy and happy.

So what in the world will we feature in March for our Harvest dinner.  This one is really cool in my opinion and I can hardly wait to share it with all who will attend in a few days.  The March Harvest dinner is featuring "Goose and Winter Greens".  Five courses with a wine pairing experience that is dedicated to displaying what can be creatively made from everything goose and everything greens.  Even the dessert will have greens and goose!  Trust me when I tell you that it really is quite a challenge to create a goose and winter green dessert compared to October's dinner when we use apples and squash.

Geese who were born and raised on the farm this past summer will be used.  These are geese who ate our prep kitchen veggie trimmings and played in the mini swimming pool on the hot August days.  Who were harvested last fall with much honor and appreciation for giving their life.

The winter greens that we will work with really are a specialty because they grow in hoop houses (a beautiful system that farmers build to capture the solar power and warmth of the sun to extend the use of the soil year round)  Micro greens are another winter green that are found at the winter farm market and grown lovingly by farmers who understand our need for the vitamins and minerals that come from leafy green plants.

Chef Jonathan Dayton really devotes his creative imagination into the building of these harvest dinner menus.  He uses his experience and understanding of flavors to build dishes that are truly innovative and definitely delicious.  We have the fortunate opportunity to then pair these special dishes with the wine that is created by the talented Black Star Farms winery team for an food and beverage experience like no other.

I have helped host these dinners for the past few years now too, and it is an honor to represent our agricultural community at these dinners.  It is easy for me to share with the friends and guests who attend the Harvest Dinner Series what I know to be true about every part of the menu that is being presented to them over the course of the dinner experience. 

I confess it has taken me some time and lots of learning to understand how I could become a helpful member of my community.  To be able to work together with others to share the best of "what I am able to do" and develop it to fit into "what we can do".  

I want to be apart of a team that represents thoughtful care in everything that we pursue.  The Harvest Dinner series may ultimately be just a monthly dinner, and another chance for people to eat good food and drink good wine together.  I tend to think it is just a little bit more than that though when you consider all of the people who are involved in making it even possible.  That is the true spirit of community to me and one that I definitely want to be apart of.

A Beautiful Surprise

Have you ever eaten a chestnut?

I ask this every time we serve these super seasonal delectable little gems at dinner service to a new customer.  I ask this because 9.9 times out of 10 the answer is "never".  

Our repeat guests know what to expect now that we have been serving this fall harvest item for three winters in a row.  However most guests first reaction to chestnuts is to tell me they have never experienced eating a chestnut even though they know the holiday song by heart.  Typically the whole experience for our guests who are new to chestnuts starts by singing the song - I sometimes join with the ones who sing aloud "chestnuts roasting on an open fire...."🎶. 

From across the dining room in the open kitchen I can see Chef roll his eyes at this singing scene.  His expression is followed by a warm smile though because he knows this is part of what makes the chestnuts special.  Eating a chestnut for the first time IS an experience.  

I confess I was almost 30 years old before I had my first delicious experience with this holiday famous nut.  It has become one of my favorite but it really is very different than what I would normally  associate with a roasted nut.

This is how I lead the conversation for my guests who are going to enjoy chestnuts for the first time:

I say~ "Have you ever tried roasted chestnuts?  No?  Oh you are in for a real treat then my friends. 

We serve them hot out of the oven so please be careful for the first few minutes not to burn your fingers, but you will want to eat them while they are warm.  

This is truly what will make your first time most menorable.

Chestnuts don't have the crunchy texture of the roasted nuts you are used to.  

They are slightly sweet and soft.  

Please make sure to take the shells off- it's easy to do where they have popped open on their tops.  

Everyone I serve these to always looks a little disoriented at first when I set them on the table.

When I come back to check on my guests table 2 minutes into their first chestnut experience the smile on their faces is proof that my confidence in these delicious golden treats was right on.  

Typically the very next thing I am asked is for the recipe.  It's usually hard for people to believe how simple it is to make these.  I feel like I am sharing a secret.  

-a handful of chestnuts- 

-a little melted butter

-salt

-375 degree oven

** with a knife score an "x" pattern on the rounded top of the nut.  If you don't do this the nuts will explode in your oven.

** put the nuts in a bowl with melted butter and toss and spread on baking sheet with the x side up.

**sprinkle salt

** bake 10-15 mins or until shells open up

**let cool a few moments then enjoy!!

My favorite story about serving chestnuts is about the guy and girl who came to dinner and it was obviously a special date because I could easily tell he was looking to impress his lady.  

When I told them I would be bringing roasted chestnuts out in a few minutes as a starter I followed up my statement like I always do by asking "have you ever had roasted chestnuts?"

Without hesitation he answered- "oh yeah, they are good- we will definitely have an order of those."  I assumed by his responses that he knew what to do so when I delivered the warm nuts to the table, I smiled, and said "enjoy!"  It was busy in the dining room that evening so I welcomed the opportunity to not have to do my whole presentation if they already knew what to do.  It gave me time to tell the other tables who had not ever tried them and his opportunity to impress.

When I returned a few minutes later I noticed that the chestnuts were half gone but there were no shells on his plate.  She had one on her plate, untouched.   It took me a moment to make sense of what I was witnessing before I asked "how do you like the chestnuts?"  

I followed up my initial question nervously- "Did you eat the shells too?" I asked..... (Now my cheeks were getting flush, embarrassed to realize that this guy just ate the shells and the nuts.  

"Oh yeah" he said.  "I always eat them that way."  My surprised look must have prompted him to add to this response-"but I bet they are great without the shells too."

His date with a sweet smile immediately started peeling the nut on her plate, and now I confess:

 I always make sure my guests know to peel off the shells so they can always enjoy the best chestnut eating experience!

Three ingredients

The endless possibilities with three ingredients......

One thing I confess as a food lover that I love to do with my writing is make comparisons of food and life. The ideas I align usually involve food or practices related to my kitchen and then parallel the bigger picture of my life experience.

My mantra "we all have to eat to live, so why not make it something good" describes very accurately what type of thoughts are nestled in my daily experience and how I relate to the world around me.

This newest correlation I'm gonna share hit me pretty hard and i just LOVE IT!

~Crisp white apron wrapped around me and tied in a bow feels like a hug from an old friend. Its time to immerse myself in my own personal wonderland of baking, and start by gathering up my ingredients from the walk in cooler.

I'm being efficient in the 6 hours I've banked with grandma and grandpa's help baby sitting today. So it's a balancing act and a great shoulder and bicep workout back to the kitchen with 4 dozen eggs, 5 pounds of butter and a quart of heavy cream all in my arms. No time for extra trips to the outdoor coolers if i can help it.

Mise en place: Turn the oven to 350, gather up bowls, sheet pans and parchment, kitchen aid mixer, cutting board, flour, and my knife.

The main ingredients:

Butter. Flour. Eggs.

I shake my head and smile when i think about how many of my baking adventures start with these three players. Sometimes they invite other friends to the party- sugar, water, cream, fruit or nut but these three are almost always the faithful foundation of something delicious.

The main focus:

Love. Thankfulness. Smiles

A lot like the main ingredients I start with in a recipe, if I have all the above three above to start with in the right proportion then I can almost guarantee myself something great of my day too.

Whether its baking or living the best part of these main ingredients in each recipe or day is that I can share the happiness they all bring with the people in my daily life too.

I confess the smiles that are returned whether I share a cookie or a hug is affirmation enough for me that these things should be apart of every recipe I use inside my kitchen... In my life.

There Used To Be No Such Thing

"There used to be no such thing as organic food."  I think of this quote all the time when I am deciding what to invest in for my next meal.  This was a statement made by Fred Laughlin, one of my culinary school instructors when I was in Intro to Baking class my first year of culinary school.  We were talking as a class about the differences in farm foods and how organic food fits in to this day in age.

As me and my classmates worked at  rolling out dough, measuring ingredients or whisking egg whites Chef Fred was recalling his youth when all food was basically "organic" and it all came from a farm.  He said "there was no such thing as the terms "organic" or "natural" describing food because it already just was organic and that is how it was "back then."   We all agreed how remarkable it is that farm to table food is not really a new concept at all.  The food that Chef grew up on wasn't under a microscope, it wasn't questioned, it didn't get marketed as a superior product because it wonderfully already just was.  Like fashion trends we are seeing the same type of "organic" food come back into style its just called something else now and its a lot more expensive too.

It was an interesting turn around in my thinking to realize that my choice to know my food sources and the people who are growing it is apart of a great new old trend: where we as communities are coming full circle back to the way it used to be.  I have a choice when it comes to where my money is spent as a consumer on foods and food products. This a wonderful freedom to be thankful for and I love knowing where my food comes from and that it is "organic".

Whatever I can't grow for myself, I can rely on purchasing from my friends and neighbors.  This is a choice I make and probably a fortunate feature to where I live too.  Northern Michigan is rich with an agricultural community that provides just about every single type of food needed to lead a healthy life with a balanced diet.  Buying food outside a grocery store requires a little more communication and planning, sometimes even education, but that is the part I think I love more than anything.  As a food lover buying my food outside a grocery store I get to socialize with my friends who are just as passionate about food as I am.  We share recipes, ideas and encourage each other in what we are doing.  Its a community I am proud to be apart of and a lot of fun too.

When I pick up or receive:

• Brussel sprouts, carrots, and beets at the farm market each from a different farmer
• Bread from the artisan baker
• Honey and bee pollen from the beekeeper
• Maple syrup from the kind hearted gentleman farmer who lives a few miles away (I know it takes a ton of sap to make that pint sized bottle which then makes the syrup even more special)
• Pumpkins and acorn squash from the roadside stand- the one that leaves a box out to put the money in- on the trusting honor system
• Eggs from my sister or the farm market (she has offered them every time I stop by but we always get to chatting and I forget to grab them)
• My produce order with my farmer friends Jim and Judy down the road
• Delicious salsa, canned peaches and tomatoes from my Mom
• Jams and jellies and baked goods from my family and especially Jon's sister Shelly
• A happy chicken from my friends 

Its all considered "organic" to me- even if its not "certified".  These things I bring home are like golden treasure.  As a chef I see the individual ingredients and apply my innovating passion to create something really special.  I have such a wonderful time deciding what to do and then producing it.

Of course the other major part to all of it I will confess is the affirmation I receive when my loved ones are happily satisfied and full.  I have so much thankfulness for the ability and practiced skills I have to make delicious food.  I have so much respect for the people who take the time and attention to produce, grow and raise all this beautiful food that is available to us all.

What I am excited to share with you now is the most recent treasure our family invested in this last weekend- a happy chicken from Long Straw Farm, who is our friends Matt, Mindy and their sweet kids.  I did not know they were raising chickens until Matt posted a few weeks ago that they would be butchered soon:

Matt posted on Facebook- 

"Time to eat my chickens before they eat me! While putting them in tonight one grabbed my hand and drew blood. That's it...Friday is butchering day! Thank you chickens for all you provide"

So I typed up a message to Matt that I wanted to buy one of their family's chickens.  In the meantime I started to devise a plan for what we would do to really honor this special animal that was close to harvest.  My goal was to make four meals from the chicken and in the process share the experience with my kids. I hoped that they would learn what is possible when you make a plan to get the largest return on the investment not only of the money we used to buy that chicken,  but also to honor the time, care and love that went into that chicken from the farmers too.

Saturday morning, I drove out County road 667 with so much excitement and happiness.   It was a rainy chilly day, but I was warm with the anticipation of my oven soon being set to 375 degrees.  Upon arriving at the top of their winding hidden driveway, I right away saw the two wonderful smiles of Matt and Mindy as they came out to greet me.  It was interesting to see the set up at Long Straw Farm and realize all the work that went into the butchering process the day before.    This is possibly the freshest chicken I have ever worked with.  A cool thing about farm friends is they are so giving, Matt and Mindy gave us a bag of hearts and livers for Jon to play with in the kitchen- what a bonus!  They offered chicken feet to us too, but I admit I wasn't sure.  Now I wish I would have taken them up on that offer just for the curiosity of it all. Thank you Long Straw Farm!!!!!!

Here is what we did with that beautiful happy bird:

Meal #1:
Lemon thyme brined roasted chicken leg and thigh,
pumpkin potato parsley mash,
red, orange and yellow carrots,  and a pan jus.

Meal#2:
Chicken, gala apple, and leek jasmine rice
stuffed acorn Squash, white wine apple cider reduction,
maple butter.










Meal#3:
Chicken tacos with arugula, fresh tomato jalapeno salsa,
greek yogurt and vermont aged cheddar.










Meal#4:
Chicken and mushroom soup over sage rice,
with mustard rye croutons









Meal#5:  BONUS MEAL CONTEST- Yes, we still have 4 cups of stock left!!!  Taking votes for what we should make with it-   I am going to see what suggestions we get, have the kids vote on the one they want and then make another story on it.

Having that fresh chicken and doing such delicious and wonderful meals around it, using ever part of it.... learning what I can do is what made it so special.  What I know is that chicken tasted better than any chicken I have ever eaten and I will remember the meals from it for a very long time.  Why?  Because it makes me feel connected to a time when there was "no such thing" as labeling what kind of food we are using.  I like that thought.

I confess: I feel like I accomplished the goal I set.  I feel extremely thankful for the opportunity to have shared it with the ones I love.  Now I want to do it this way every time.

It just feels good to cook- especially when it's from the heart ❤

Baby: lemon, apple, banana, cucumber, rutabaga, carrot and butternut squash.....

The above are just a few of the veggie/fruit inspirations we have been using to cook with at home. Our creative dinners have been inspired by our growing baby girl in her warm ever becoming smaller home inside the womb. It's been fun each week to imagine how big she is compared to each of these items since as chef parents to be we have a pretty great understanding of what that size is.

Each week I get an e-mail from Babycenter.com that updates us on where we are at in the pregnancy process. It tells us things like the weight and possible length. We find out how our baby girl is developing her sense of hearing and sight, the formation of her lungs and nervous system and we receive fairly accurate reports of what I may be experiencing too! Lately I have to admit it seems like we are already running out of room in my short torso. The kicks are getting stronger and some of her movements have literally took my breathe away.

We are at week 29 as of April 5th.

I stopped at Hansens grocery store in Suttons Bay specifically to buy a butternut squash this weekend but that store usually keeps me captive for more than my intended get in and get out grocery shopping plan. I make a couple circles through the produce section and checked for any new products in the specialty cheese section. I used to spend a lot of time in the wine department- they have a very nicely organized section in case my wine aficionado friends didn't know already- but I don't spend much time there recently for obvious reasons.

I grabbed a red onion and celery on my first pass along with the squash. The second time around it was goat cheese, green onion, and eggs. All along thinking about how I could incorporate these items into my butternut squash creation. What do I already have at home that needs to be used? Was that bacon I saw in the freezer? I could make a soup, a casserole, waffles... Oh yeah I don't have a waffle maker.... Hmmmmm.

By the time I passed the deli for a third time I couldn't resist stopping for one of those gigantic dill pickles and a small container of potato salad too. Saaallttt....... Total pregnant woman stereotype that I wasn't about to deny at this point.

My small splurge confession- the Harboro gummy bears- you know the ones that have been around forever- I squished them in the package to make sure they were fresh and not stale and hard. Those would do when my sweet tooth arrived later on. I smile as I am writing this now because that was supposed to be a secret but I'm tattling about For a reason i don't have. I definitely made sure when the bag boy was putting my order into the brown paper bag that those went on top just in case I wanted a few to enjoy on the way home.

I turned on my oven to 350 degrees right away when I got home with the idea that I would roast the butternut squash and decide from there what to do with it. 2 hours later I finally got to chopping up the squash and added it to the perfectly warmed up appliance. I got a little sidetracked cleaning as any normal pregnant woman who is nesting will do.

When the roasted squash had done its job smelling up the kitchen with its deliciously sweet and earthy aromas i was still formulating my plan as i scooped the flesh away from the skin. I then set to work on my dinner tribute to our "baby butternut squash girl". I would just figure it out as I went along- perfectly normal way of doing things in the kitchen for me.

I have to admit I am pretty happy with the outcome for our dinner that evening. Somewhat simple yet vibrant flavor combinations and distinct textures that balanced each other out nicely too.

I was asked if I would share my recipe by my dear friend Sahra in which I replied "I have to remember what I did. Cooking without a recipe is a reoccurring instance to my style of cooking that I am comfortable with. I often think I should be better about keeping track with what I am doing so I can do it again if I want to or share it easily with friends who ask but that rarely happens.

I am grateful this time that I was asked though since I do plan to make something similar to this again. Maybe for our little girl when she is our growing toddler. I know her older brother and sister love food like this already so hopefully she has similar taste buds for trying new foods too!

BUTTERNUT SQUASH FRITTERS WITH CRUNCHY CELERY SALSA- stacked with crispy bacon and crumbled goat cheese.

Ingredients:
Butternut squash- chopped into large pieces roasted at 350 until al dente- not too soft.
Scoop out the squash flesh after cooled into a bowl- it's okay if it is in chunks.

While squash roasts in the oven:

Prepare and put into a bowl:
-1/4 cup chopped red peppers
-1-2 stalks green onion chopped
-1/4 cup of chopped red onion sautéed til translucent in 1 tbsp oil- it will seem like a lot of oil but this is part of what will make the fritters flavor and crisp.
-2 cloves of garlic minced and added to the onion half way during the sautéing process

Bake your bacon strips in the oven at 400 degrees until crisp.

Make the salsa:
Slice up on the bias thinly two celery stalks, slice a handful of cherry tomatoes and One tablespoon of minced raw red onion. Add salt and pepper, about two tsp white wine vinegar or verjus if you have it, 1 tsp of maple syrup and 1 tsp of oil or warm bacon fat depending on what you like.

Note: I saved the bacon fat for cooking the fritters later. I actually experimented cooking two with bacon fat and two with butter. The bacon fat ones kept a prettier orange squashy color while the butteriness got browner on the outside.

Combine the above with the semi cooled squash with a fork gently

Then:
-Add one egg
-1/2 cup flour more or less just so the batter is not too wet
-Salt and pepper to taste
-You could add other herbs and spices depending on what you have available- i kept this one simple.

Heat up your sauté pan with butter or bacon fat and in 1/4 cup portions spoon the squash batter into the pan and gently push it down until about 1/4 inch thick and fritter looking- or like a pancake. Cook on both sides until golden brown.

Remove the fritter from the pan and put onto a sheet tray lined with parchment and place into a 300 degree oven to keep warm and crisp as you cook the rest of the fritters.

Right before you plate up your creation warm your plates up in the oven for a few moments. Stack two fritters with bacon strips in the middle and a little goat cheese. Place the celery salsa on top and more crumbled goat cheese as desired. Enjoy!!

Remembering how to Just Be

I'm holding back tears as I begin to write this Post. I have found a place to lay my stress and weariness aside and just be. Its like a treasure that was buried so deep has just reached the surface for the first in a very long time. The carefree stride I may have known as a child has returned for me to experience now as an adult. I have had an opportunity to appreciate, and not take for granted, as I once did probably when I was younger, a beautiful freedom. Oh the many days I used to spend and start out without a plan or timeline- only to experience and uncover the coolest adventures, and make the best memories while running through the woods or riding my bike around the block.

What I love about his particular stop of this trip is the simplicity and the rare ability to be so close to nature comfortably. I have loved it! Every breathe that I take is refreshing. . I am finding that saying goodbye to this place is like saying good bye to a long lost friend that I am afraid I may not see again for a very long time. It's amazing to me that it took traveling over thousands of miles to finally get to this point of realization. Now that I have made it, I am afraid I might lose it... again.

We have been staying in a Yurt- I will write more on this later but it is the coolest thing that I never knew existed until 3 days ago.

No multi tasking and worries of communication here- there are no phones or Internet on this mountainside in Big Sur. Without warning I am disconnected from the world I have grown accustomed to being apart of. I don't miss it- Besides the concern of contacting my kids for a our daily chats while I am away, I do really miss their giggles over the phone.... I actually miss a lot more about them than that. Like the smell of their wet shampooed hair. Riley's hand rubbing my pregnant belly and all his anxious excitement to be a big brother. His busy boy constant movement until he finally falls into deep sleep so quickly. I miss Lauren's soft smile, and caring eyes- the way she holds my hand on walks and in the car. I miss them a lot and on every new discovery during this trip I think about how they would absolutely love this place too.

BIG SUR-

The gentle warmth of the sun is a loving embrace on this mountainside

If I close my eyes this breezy hillside could be anywhere, but when I open them the view is magnificently unlike anything I have ever seen with my own eyes. All the pictures that I had seen in my lifetime of places like this simply don't compare to this real moment that touches every one of my senses.

As I look out over the ocean there are whales in the distance, following the ocean currents, instinctively guiding their young towards a bright future of warmth and food in the southern seas.

I am surrounded by the smells of subtle natural perfumes, of rosemary and lavender, lemon verbena and pine.

And when I take a deep breathe everything just slows down a bit.

I think of how my Lauren and Riley would love this- everything I have taught them about happiness and making healthy choices is available here.

I rub my pregnant belly and let our baby know this is a good healthy moment for both of us too. Soft little kicks from within seem to agree.

My fingers are interlocked with my best friend and love, as he seems to be in the same state of mind too- a sweet boyish grin on his face.

All at once, I can hear the ocean, the wind, the barking seals at night.

The windows and doors are open and invite the surrounding atmosphere to cradle us to sleep each night.

In the morning the sunrise over the mountain is amazing and inspiring.

In the evening the sunset paints a never ending picture with a palette of tangerine orange and crimson reds, purples and blushy tones that extend forever.

I can truly just be here. Thankfulness in my heart abounds.

Lately, Autumn.

Sunset from the front porch

I've been making plans for cooking soup, going on some woodsy hikes, enjoying sunsets, snuggling in with a fire roaring in the fireplace and wearing wool socks.... It must be Autumn is officially here.  This season always puts me in an extra thoughtful mood when it comes to my cooking and writing too!! New confessions on the horizon?  We shall see....

Me:

I'm a woman, I'm a girl

I'm a mama, I'm a daughter

I'm a lover, I'm a sweetheart

I'm a chef, I'm an artist 

I'm a big sister, I'm an ally

I'm a friend, I'm a companion

I'm a sunshine, I'm a daisy

I'm a teacher, I'm an encourager

I am Stephanie, thankful for all the ways I get to be me, everyday, all day, true.

My food:

Made this soup with my recent farm market treasures... Delicious vibrant harvest by the spoonful and easy to make too!

                             Roasted butternut squash soup from my kitchen~

Garlic

Cinnamon

Honey

Roasted butternut squash

Veggie stock

Butter

Onion

White wine

S&P

30 Confessions to 34- Day #28 Poet Mindfulness

30 Confessions to 34
07.21.12
Day 28

Its 11:53 and I have 7 minutes to write something today if I want it to be done before day end.  I had plenty of time to write this sooner but I honestly dilly dallied and now it is quite late.  I feel like I had so much I wanted to say today...   One thing I do when I feel overwhelmed is I write poetry.  It seems to be a helpful way for me to bring all my thoughts back together and give my mind a break.


I have been thinking about being mindful a lot....


This morning I stopped to pay attention to the sun.
I noticed it doesn't ask permission to do what it knows it is supposed to do.
It shows up, it nourishes our world, it gives warmth and makes life here on earth possible
It doesn't worry if the clouds get in the way- it still shines even if no one can see it clearly.

This afternoon I stopped to pay attention to the people all around me.
I noticed they are an infinite palette of various emotions
Many have not learned how to control their own yet.
They show up to their lives, do what they need to, want to, have to, wish to and hope to....
They worry way too much about things that they have no control over.

This evening I stopped to pay attention to my heart beat.
I noticed that I am alive and wonderfully curious on my continuous journey.
I have an opportunity each day to be intentional about every single part of my life
I will not waste my heartbeats on worrying  if things don't go the way I imagined.

I will accept reality and then live my waking hours as happily as I dream they can be.

Confession # 29: Refinement

30 confessions to 34
07.20.12
Confession #29

 Word or phrase of the day: Refinement


 Synonyms: advancement, breakthrough, enhancement, improvement, advance 

Antonyms: setback

 Today I had a revelation. It's not a new one but had a new twist, it gave me a better understanding....


 A few months ago I was cracking a bunch of eggs for a recipe. The production was large enough that I needed the 30 qt mixer, which happens to be shared equipment with another Baker named Jen on the Black Star Farms property. One part of the recipe called for a whole case of eggs to be cracked.  (For those of you who don't know, that is approx. 180 eggs.)   Jen was also present that day working on her own projects and as I was busy cracking my eggs, she seemed interested in what I was doing.  I could feel her watching me.  Then she shouted across the kitchen to me over the noise of convection ovens and the dough sheeter, "Wow, are you cracking those eggs one at a time??!!"

"Yes" I said feeing a little uncomfortable and for some reason possibly self conscience now.

 Jen replied "Well someday you should be able to crack those with one hand, and then maybe when you get good enough- even two at a time!!  It sure will save you a lot of time when you figure that one out."

 I have to admit I felt crushed at the specific moment, my immediate reaction was to think "Jeez, I am doing the best that I can here.  Why does she have to point out that I am obviously not as good as her yet."  Interestingly when I thought no one was looking I tried cracking eggs with one hand that day.

 I took her words to heart as I later thought about what she said. In no way was her intention to be cruel or rude, she was stating an obvious result of practice and efficiency. She knew that the more and more I had to prepare recipes in mass, as I was doing that day, that I would find ways to be more efficient.  She was teaching me if I was willing to listen.  It wasn't a personal attack, it was a professional insight to help me become better.

 The more subtle message in what she said, and that which I learned was "your success will be that much quicker the sooner you figure out how to do this better, faster, stronger."  This was a breakthrough moment for me and has helped me since then to push myself to be better, to improve my work day after day.

 I can now crack eggs with one hand, two hands even for two at a time!  There are still some shells to fish out of the bottom of the bowl at the end of a egg breaking free for all.  I still have to keep practicing!  Still, the time it takes to crack those eggs and fish out the few shells is far less time than cracking a whole case, egg by egg.

So the revelation:

 Today I learned from being on the other side as the instructor, that the people you think you are helping may not seem to hear what you have to say when sharing what you know.

As the teacher, sharing what I know, I will have faith that they did hear it, despite the defensiveness or the excuses. I will believe that they want to be better.  Its my opinion that in order to advance in whatever they are pursuing in career, happiness, health, or knowledge they may need to acknowledge other perspectives and ideas about how to do things.  I believe that if they are passionate and love what they are doing that they will strive constantly to be better.

 I received a better understanding today from being on the other side that through listening I can gain knowledge to be even more refined and better at what I do. The lesson I learned from Jen is what planted the seed of this idea, my experience from the reversal in roles today reinforced my need to continue listening.  I have to remind myself over and over that I still have so much to learn.  When people point things out to me that i could be better at, I need to not take it personally but be thankful they actually took the time to point it out.... and then practice practice practice!

Thank goodness, I am always still a student first.

 Continuing to pursue successfully and advance in what I love, this practice I have in the kitchen.   I constantly want to improve my abilities and skills within my culinary work.  I am open to suggestions and help, and I have to not be afraid of constructive criticism. (Though I still have to remind myself over and over to not let me first reaction be defensive or feel like I did something wrong.)  My growth as a professional will not be possible if I think I am always doing it perfectly the first time.

I will be open to the advice and wisdom of the people who I trust want to see me at my best.